A Project for Better Journalism chapter
Opinion, Satire

Bringing Highways to Hallways

Have you ever been at school and had a speeder run into you or have someone stop in the middle of the hallway to talk to one of their bestest friends? Yeah, me too. Well I now have a solution that will reduce hallway injuries by 80%. This will make sure that people get to where they need to go in a timely fashion without injuries blocking the hallway. Installing a set of lines that corresponds to a highway-like system will help.  

Roundabouts, stop lights, and blinkers will all be required and installed. Each commons will have a roundabout to ensure that people get to where they need to go without stopping. Also in the commons, by removing some of the lockers, there will be a new parking station where people can hang out and have snacks to refuel when they get tired after their walk. Stoplights will also be installed near the stairs where it is only one way at a time, ten seconds at a time. Blinkers are also very necessary on the front and back of backpacks to signal on-goers about turning into a classroom or switching lanes to go faster or slower.

There will be three walking speeds available in the hallway and only one in the stairways. With the hallway police watching closely, you must abide by the rules. The three speeds will be fast (fast walking or jogging), walking (a brisk pace), and slow—the social lane will be a lane meant for talking to your friends and socialising. Punishments for not abiding by the rules will be, first, a warning; second, detention; third, a fine; and, fourth, detainment. This will happen if you are not abiding by school or hallway rules and all hallway policemen or policewomen will be instructed to proceed with full-on force if necessary.

Many people have gotten hurt because this system did not exist. Me, for example. I was walking down the hallway the other day with my broken collar bone and the bell rang and, about ten seconds after, I got absolutely mauled by people around me. People crashed into my shoulder, causing extreme pain for about ten minutes after that. With this system, this will not happen again and injured people will have a new yellow light on their turning signals that will warn people that they are hurt.

In conclusion, I truly believe that this will help with incidents that happen in school and help keep people from doing things that may harm others. My system will help everyone get around more easily and improve the quality of school. It will also help administration with their ability to keep a close eye on students and, with the new work force on duty, everyone will be safe from hallway dangers.